Memories of My Mother Through My Husband's Eyes

Recently, my husband wrote an essay for a composition class and decided to write about my mother -- the most interesting person he has met (other than me, of course). Here is the essay. I must say it describes her perfectly.

You couldn’t help but notice her in a crowded room. Her laughter was infectious. You would automatically turn towards the laughter to see this tiny woman, with a huge personality, clearly enjoying herself, with eyes wide open, listening ever so intently, honed in on somebody talking. Her smile lit up the room. Her kind and loving spirit was as delicate and radiant as cherry blossoms. She touched and inspired everyone she met. Her name was Suzuko, affectionately known as Suzie.

She lived in Japan before, during and after World War II.  After the war, she married a United States Air Force serviceman, started a family, and then moved to America.

This story includes Suzie’s transition to America after the war, as well as the challenges and disappointments she experienced along the way. The focus of this story, however, is her remarkable character, stoicism, perseverance and dedication to family and friends.

Unfortunately, Suzie died of brain cancer when she was only fifty-nine years young. We lost her way too soon but her life’s impact, like a pebble dropped in a pond, continues to ripple through the lives of everyone she met. She built the foundation of a family that I have enjoyed for over forty years. The beauty of her life still shines in her children, grandchildren, and friends. We think of her so often. That is her legacy. She is my mother-in-law. I’m proud to call her mom.

As a teenager, Suzie was living in Nagoya, Japan during World War II. Her daughter shared that “Mom talked about how they lost their house, and they were running from home to home because the houses were being bombed as they were running away. She talked about the devastation and being very, very, very hungry.” One can imagine how frightening and difficult that would be. Her daughter also added, “They barely survived.” There’s limited information on Suzie’s life in Japan, other than “They lived in a village that wasn’t very wealthy. Everyone that lived there were workers.”  Suzie didn’t share much about her life in Japan before the war.

Suzie did, however, like to talk about school. She loved school and always talked about it. She was an excellent student. School was very important to Suzie as she felt the way to a really good future was through higher education. Later in life, Suzie had quite a library of books. Most of them, if not all, were written in Japanese. She was very well-read on many subjects. As her daughter shared “She seemed to be very knowledgeable and very well-read, so she probably had very good schooling. There were times when she would suddenly discuss detailed information on history or artwork or be able to answer questions that we were not aware she knew the answers to.”

Years after the war, Suzie and her family found housing near a United States Air Force base that was established after the War ended. She was able to get a job there, as many young Japanese people did. They would find work in the commissaries, restaurants or clubs. Suzie was about twenty years old when she got the job at the base. She had been at her job for a few years when she met, dated, eventually married and started a family with a United States Air Force serviceman.

As typical in the Air Force, servicemen were stationed to different Air Force bases in other cities or countries every two to three years. This was the case with new family. A year after the birth of their first child (my wife), Suzie’s husband was stationed in the United States, in Illinois. This was the time Suzie left her own family in Japan to meet his family who lived in Illinois. She hoped that living in Illinois would be a wonderful experience. She would meet his family and they would meet her and their new granddaughter. This, however, was just a hopeful dream. His family shunned her, made fun of her thick accent, and said hurtful things to her face thinking she wouldn’t understand what they were saying. Her daughter said “[Suzie] had learned enough English in Japan to get the job at the Air Force base, and converse with her soon-to-be husband, but it was rudimentary. She understood more English than she could talk.” Suzie was devastated by the response of her new in-laws, but she chose to ignore the prejudice and focus on her new family. They had their second child, a daughter, while in Illinois.

There were a few trips back and forth between Japan and the new Air Force assignments. They were stationed in Louisiana (where a third child, a son, was born), back to Japan, and then to Edwards Air Force base near Lancaster, California. Suzie’s daughter remembered that “Suzie met a few of the Japanese wives but they…would be there for a short period of time. She would see them and be very excited. They would talk Japanese excitedly and, then the next thing you know, they were gone again. So being a military wife meant that you could not put down roots and have good friends for a long period of time.”

The next move was to March Air Force base in Riverside California. Upon their arrival in Riverside, her husband was immediately stationed in Thailand. This was during the Vietnam War. Suzie was left to raise a growing family of three kids all on her own. One of the issues during that time was that the physical Air Force checks were not arriving on time. This was evidently due to the Air Force not knowing exactly where everybody was. Suzie had to get a job. To do so, she had to improve her English speaking, reading, and writing, get a driver’s license and learn how to drive -- all while raising three kids. Her daughter said “Mom was alone. She did not have Japanese friends that lived nearby.” She did meet the neighbors across the street who were a kind Mexican family. They realized her predicament and would help her with no problem. They would check on the kids every now and then, to make sure they were ok, while Suzie was trying to improve her situation.

The kids spoke better English because they were speaking English in school. They spoke enough Japanese to help her figure out how to speak. The family was not living on the base so it was difficult to buy groceries without the ability to drive to the market. They had a car but Suzie needed to learn how to drive. She learned to drive by signing up for a Driver’s Training class and practicing in the neighborhood.

Suzie was always one that believed she could do anything she put her mind to. She just had to go do it. Her daughter said “She learned how to read because she was so curious. She kept trying to figure out things from the newspaper. She would see a picture in a newspaper and ask ’What does this mean?’   The kids would explain what it meant.”  To get a job she asked people for ideas on what jobs were available. She applied for training as a key punch operator and got the job. She now had enough money to take care of business in the event the Air Force checks did not arrive on time. She would do whatever it took to care for and raise her family.

Her kids continued to go to American schools both on and off base. Her husband retired from the Air Force. Her kids eventually all moved out to have their own lives. In her later years, Suzie continued to work to make extra income because her husband’s pension was not enough to pay the bills. She kept a close eye on her family while she worked.

At this point, Suzie was very comfortable with her English, but she continued to have problems in places where people were not accepting her thick accent. They did not accept her Shinto religious customs as well. Later in her life, she decided to visit Japan to see her parents and sister. Suzie thought that the Japanese people would greet her with open arms, and her family would share all the experiences they had while apart. She, however, found out that her Japanese was quite different than the Japanese they were speaking. They had difficulty understanding each other. She also realized that she had become more American than Japanese. She preferred California rice over Japanese rice, for example. In the end, she came back to America feeling as if she did not have a country to call her own.

Suzie, as always, decided to focus on the positives. She had new “expat” Japanese friends, now that she and her husband lived in Camarillo, California. She had new grandchildren and new experiences. Life was good.

My time with Suzie was limited. She died four years after I met her. Those were four wonderful years though. Suzie was everything, and more, of what I had heard before joining the family. Her laughter was still infectious. Her smile still lit up the room. Her gentle but strong spirit filled the air. The family spent a lot of precious time together.

She was quite well-known as a fantastic cook. I can attest to that. For example, she made the best Teriyaki Sauce from scratch! One day I asked if she could teach me how to make it. She gladly said yes and started to make it while I watched. She said, “You put a little pinch of this, and handful of that and a thumb size of ginger.” I said “Wait! I need to measure your pinch, handful, and thumb as ours are not same size.” She laughed, clapped her tiny hands and let me get the proper measurements. We still make and enjoy that Teriyaki Sauce today.

There is so much more that we wanted to experience with Suzie. She was such a gift.  Today, she continues to live in our hearts. We often wonder what her life would be like if she was still with us. We know, for a fact, that we would spend every moment we could with her.

Life is always changing. In this world, nothing is permanent. The memories of loved ones, however, continue to flourish as we dedicate time focusing on the impact their lives have had on us. My dream is that one day we will all meet and have an enchanted dance beneath the cherry tree.