Each New Year's Day, I reflect on the year that has passed - what were the highlights and what did I learn. Even in my senior years, I have tried to make the most of each year. Most of the time, it's something insignificant to anyone else but me. Organizing my drawers or plotting out our retirement budget gives me a big "atta girl!" but impacts no one else. Often, I learn something new such as a baking bread or watercolor painting; or I'm reintroduced to something I've enjoyed in the past such as playing the piano. Sometimes, it's more reflective - appreciating how lucky I am to have the family and friends that I do.
2020 was a year of challenges. Besides testing our mettle during the pandemic, we were confronted with how we were able to live with ourselves - specifically, with boredom. Here is what were MY high and low points of the year. Things got personal!
Politics
The COVID-19 pandemic eclipsed the whole year. Social distancing, home quarantine, facial masks, contact tracing, PPE (personal protective equipment), and antigen testing were words and concepts we all learned quickly.
Throughout the year, the U.S. government's responses for handling the pandemic inflamed partisan divides and ugly rhetoric. In one of the wealthiest countries in the world, the differences between where we lived and how much we earned made the difference between whether we were likely to contact COVID-19; whether we could keep our jobs; if we could get the food and necessary supplies we needed; and if our education would continue at the pace and quality it once was. Service jobs (like hospital workers or janitorial/maid services or restaurant workers or field workers or food plant workers) were either lost entirely or put the employee in graver danger. Many small businesses closed up shop; some barely survived. Those that kept their jobs worked at home, trying to cobble together a home office amidst the chaos of family life. Children stayed at home to "home school" with, in some cases, little or no computer equipment or network. Meanwhile, we received inconsistent messages -- or nothing -- from the Trump administration. (Yes, some of us were given a small "relief" check but, for more people, it barely covered the mortgage/rent.)
All of this caused confusion and consternation. The supply shortages were uncomfortable for reasons other than not having necessities like toilet paper, meats, canned food, paper towels and such. The facial mask mandate was inconsistently followed. I was affronted by people who grabbed more supplies than they needed when the quarantine first started or who felt the mask mandate wasn't worthwhile. It made me realize that there are so many people that don't think about their neighbors or community. I was hoping to see kindness. Instead, I saw selfishness.
May ended with a series of protests (and eventual destructive riots) about the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. The Black Lives Matter organization, who had been protesting for years, became more relevant as the public became painfully aware of the violence and systemic racism in this country, particularly how authoritative figures treated black people. My husband and I watched movies and documentaries; and read books to fully understand how the inequity started and was perpetuated.
My heart was so sad when a great Civil Liberties leader, Representative John Lewis, died. Three months later, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died as well. I admired both so much and was inconsolable for days.
I felt I had to do something as I watched the politics get uglier. As I watched the first presidential debates, I was appalled at Trump's behavior. The second debate was canceled but both candidates decided to hold town halls on the same day. I watched the Biden town hall and, immediately after, watched the taped version of Trump's. The final debate was less aggressive because the "mute" option was given to the moderator (and she used it). The debates barely changed the poll numbers and I was worried that we'd have four more years of lies.
I had volunteered to work the voting polls on both the Primary and General Elections. My objective was to help any voter who felt obligated to vote in person. (I thought that the senior citizens who were not familiar with mail-in ballots would feel they'd have no choice but to go to a polling place to the detriment of their safety.) Of course, I wanted them to vote for anyone other than Trump but, really, my main concern was that we'd have low numbers of voters. In the voting site where I worked, we didn't have many walk-in voters. We did, however, have many people bring in their mail-in ballots. I was disappointed with the size and attitude of some voters (and I blogged an earlier opinion piece on my observations) but I was happy that I was proven wrong! While California's voting percentage was not high, the rest of the country voted as if their life depended on it.
After a week of counting very-close races, the Biden/Harris ticket won decisively. Unfortunately, the Trump shenanigans did not stop and, showing bad manners and disgrace, he and his lackeys continued to contest that the voting results were legal or legitimate. As of today, there is still one last option to disrupt the results. We'll find out how the Congress acts when they're asked to legitimize the votes this week.
In 2020, politics took front seat in everything we did and impacted my emotional well-being on a deep personal level. I am hoping the Biden/Harris administration can turn this large boat around deftly through the wreckage Trump left behind.
Friends
My husband and I started the year, before the pandemic, with lunch with several friends from a previous employer. We hadn't seen some of these friends for years but our conversations with our closest ones were as if we were together just yesterday.
The quarantine really set my personal priorities straight. In the past, I was not good with keeping friendships intact but I was determined -- as were they -- to keep in touch. I tried Zoom (which was a little awkward since staring at a screen is not my idea of a conversation). Regular phone calls were better. One friend (and her sister) sent occasional cards. Another sent my favorite kind of beef jerky in the mail from L.A.'s Farmers Market (which was close to her home) to perk me up. I had set up reminders to contact each of my closest friends at least once per month. The degree of dedication to keeping friendships alive on both sides was admirable and really made me realize how important friends are. (My husband was doing the same with his musician friends, our neighbor and his past co-workers -- maybe not as deep as my friends were but it was admirable nonetheless.)
One of the highlights of 2020 was that I truly recognized how important friendships are and that it requires maintenance on my part.
Family
My relationships with my family was a mixed bag. I started 2020 trying to make amends with my brother. I wanted to clearly state that the past is past and any blame should rest on my shoulders. No response. On his birthday, I sent cookies which did elicit a nice reply via text. But, let's face it, if I had put the effort I did for my friends, I would have made better progress. After some goading from my sister, we Zoomed my brother and his wife on Thanksgiving. She was happy for the call. My brother was very non-communicative. He was still nursing a hurt that I hadn't atoned. Thankfully, my sister urged me to call his son too and that began a great reunion with one of our favorite relatives.
My niece on my husband's side had died before Thanksgiving the previous year, which crushed the families. Her memorial was held early in 2020 but her immediate family's grieving was intense throughout the year. Her father and mother suffered several serious medical issues and severe depression. My husband and I wanted to help but, initially, couldn't find how to comfort them. Eventually, though, they understood that we could help them see things in a different perspective -- respecting and enjoying her memories, finding humor in everyday things, and going forward. We, also, developed a close bond with my niece's surviving sister and enjoyed imparting our "wisdom" (or, really, a looser take on rigid life "rules"). We were so lucky to witness her growth into a more confident young woman and strengthen the brotherly love that was always there.
My relationship with my dad had always been problematic. In the last couple years, though, we were able to see him (and his girlfriend) in a lighter way. Ignoring the roots of the tensions that I had with him, however, did not make them go away. By summer, amidst the drama of health anxieties, I kept our interactions short and sweet, counting the days he would be moving to Colorado. After the move, he calmed down and made more effort to keep in touch which baffled me. Now, I am more comfortable with my aging father. I love him, wish him no harm and hope he enjoys his next journey.
My sister, her daughter and daughter's husband were what kept 2020 positive. We started the year with a girls' vacation in Palm Desert. I enjoyed the comradery and unconditional love that we had for each other. The quarantine raised so many questions about how we were all going to interact so we agreed that we would be hyper-vigilant about any forays out into public spaces. We basically restricted outside trips to the market, pharmacy and stores for supplies, and to take-out for restaurant food. Because of that, we instituted a Family Game Night every weekend, hosted at each other's houses. We celebrated birthdays, a promotion, Mother's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas at each other's houses. The mini scale made these events more intimate and allowed us to really get to know the preciousness of the jewels of our family.
2020 taught me that not all our families are easy but, when they are, it's a lifeline to a happy existence in horrible conditions. I know how to survive and who I want to be with me in the next apocalypse.
My Little Family
Our dog, Desi, was diagnosed with a malignant tumor at the beginning of the year. We had noticed that he wasn't as agile but assumed that aging was the culprit. He, on the other hand, acted like nothing was wrong so our goal was to make his life fun while watching after him so he didn't hurt himself. We pulled out the kiddie pool in the summer, modified his ball toss game so it was less strenuous and shortened his walks so he was less exhausted. He even found a girlfriend - a beautiful, old pit bull terrier that loved to meander and smell every bush at a snail's pace as he did. In November, he finally succumbed to cancer. What surprised us, though, was how we responded to his death. We were proud of his life passage and, while it saddened us to see an empty dog bed, we were able to reminisce fondly of what he brought to our lives. Our second dog, Ella, adjusted quickly -- first, by grabbing everything that was his as hers; then, by glowing in the extra attention she received from us. I learned that life is not guaranteed so live it as fully as Desi did.
My relationship with my husband, also, became more profound on a very spiritual level. We started 2020, each day, reading a passage from several books (A Path with Heart and Mindful Politics are two I'd recommend) and discussing our thoughts, intentions and gratitude. Eventually, because work preempted our available times for these quiet sessions, we reduced this "us" time to twice a week and we noticed the difference. We were committed, however, to carving out time for ourselves to have great conversations and deep connections. We instituted a monthly "anniversary" date (where we'd celebrate us with a nice meal or dessert) and movie night.
Yes, we missed our favorite restaurants and going to a concert or museum but we managed to make even common events more special. 2020 taught me not to take my little family that I see everyday for granted.
Personal Fulfillment
On a personal level, I started this blog. I had always wanted to write a book but the task was daunting to me so I thought that, by practicing, I'd get more confident. What was surprising was that I had so much to say!
Finally, besides cleaning out and sorting my sock drawer, I found so much pleasure in reviewing and sorting through our digital photos. Initially, the task was to make sure everything was backed up to the Cloud but it reminded me why we take pictures and that I should take more.
2020 was so personal on every level but I'm not sure that I'd do it again! Having said that, I was lucky to find myself and all of the people who helped me through that!